New Life
by Just-a-Try
Summary: Kou lost the war. In a last attempt to keep the country from being swallowed up by their enemies, the emperor - abandoned by Al-Tharmen - makes a grave desicion: To sell their magi in order to buy time. (Warnings inside)
1. Prologue

**Warning: Possible OoCness, mentions of past abuse**

**I hope very much that I could erase all mistakes (be they spelling or grammar mistakes) but if you see anything that is written wrongly, please tell me so I can correct it. Aside from this I wish anyone who likes this genre and pair a lot of fun while reading. This is also my first story, so please tell me what was good and what wasn't.**

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So this was it. He would be sold. Sold off to some kind of fucking country with a dickhead as a king. And for what? So that his oh so loving emperor of the Kou empire could save his fucking ass.

Judars hands shook as he clenched them, cursing once again the extra necklace around his throat. It was a blue one and a nasty one at that. It completely sealed of his magi powers. He was cut off from his beloved magic and it felt horrible. He felt lonely and it was too damn quiet around him. Judar was used to the small sounds the Rukh made, the tales or feelings they sometimes whispered to him if he listened closely enough.

He could see them, yes, but it was…it felt like they all were on the other side of a wall of glass. There but unreachable for him. Cold and far.

For a moment Judar lifted his head and looked around, instantly regretting it. The other members of the royal family were with him. Except for Kouen who still tried to save whoever he could of his household. And he couldn´t see neither Hakuryuu nor Hakuei anywhere.

But he clearly saw Kougyoku who was almost deathly pale and trembling. She didn´t cry but the look on her face was ten times worse. Kouha tried to quietly talk to her and his big brother Koumei, but neither was really listening. The youngest prince was the most composed from them all, aside from Koumei. But maybe that was because they firmly believed Kouen would clear all this up.

None of them, not even Judar, had thought that they would lose the war they had picked. Maybe it all started to go down the drain when he declared Sinbad that they would attack Sindria or when they fought with Reim. But it certainly was a losing battle when even Patervia participated. Whatever that country of war wanted was unknown, but combined with Reim, Sindria and that cursed seven seas alliance, Kou almost fell. Or rather, they were only an inch away from being swallowed by their enemy nations.

And now they were going to be sold off to the winners in order to 'make amends' and to 'calm' the other kings down.

Judar looked back on his hands. To tell the truth, it didn´t matter to him what kind of king he had to listen to. It would be the same thing as here in Kou. But he would lose his freedom, his possibilities of just leaving and clearing his head, forgetting for a while how much shit had happened to him – and still happened. And even though he would never ever admit it, he would be missing the prince' and the princess. His 'old hag' and the three brothers and Hakuryuu.

Right now it didn´t matter to him where he ended up, it would all be the same. His red eyes were dull as he stared at his hands and at his bracelets. He just… a part of him hoped that in this war he would find means to free himself from this curse that was put on him not only by Al-Tharmen but also by the current emperor. That man was the personification of evil and his personal tormentor ever since he had been a small, helpless child. A child which didn´t know anything about the world and still learned to control even a part of his massive powers as a magi.

Another part of him hoped that his friends – the only true ones he ever had had in his whole life – that his friends would be spared. He hoped so desperately that they never had to face the nightmares he had to. Even though he had to admit, Hakuryuu showed the signs. That was one of the reasons he kept a close eye on the prince and always offered him a trip to a dungeon. It was why he offered him power. It was the only way for him to help the raven and also the only way he knew of.

The door opened and Kouen came in. He had a deep frown on his face and was more than deadly serious. It was a face they all had to admit, they had never seen before. Kouha got up.

"My brother, my king, what does the emperor say?" Kouen sighed, taking a seat.

"He said if we all gather to fight again despite already admitting our defeat then he would let you all off the hook. But…he also said we have to sell off Judar to gain time." Kouens voice was full of disgust, even though his face didn´t quite show it. He had forced himself to be too calm, to just show whatever he felt now. Kougyoku who had been very silent up till now suddenly jumped up.

"What?!" She jelled, even though her face was still an ashen white. "How dare he! Like hell we are going to let Judar-chan get the brunt of it! If it weren´t for him, we would never even have gotten this far!" Rage was clear in her voice and her gestures. Kouha nodded.

"Yeah! Just think about all the things he has done for us!" Judars mouth actually hung open at the outbursts of these two. He had to admit that he never thought he was that important to them. He always thought he was 'just' the magi, the guy who would help them to get stronger. It seemed he was wrong.

Kouen nodded.

"I know we have to think of a solution. I won´t let any of you be sold off. Especially if they are people from a country we had a war with. But currently all our Djinns are taken from us."

"Err, big brother Kouen, I don´t mean to interrupt but…where are little Hakuryuu and Hakuei?" Judar had to smirk lightly at Kougyokus nickname for his favorite prince. Kouens frown deepened at that and Judar sat up straighter. No…

"I fear they are already…gone. I still try to find out what happened to them but none of those Al-Tharmen bastards nor our 'beloved father' or 'mother' tell me anything." Kouen spat the words as if they where poison. It was silent for a long moment.

"Don´t worry. I will find them. And I will get them back to us. We will stand together and we will get through this. I´ll try to get to talk with the leaders of the empires and countries we fought against. Maybe they are willing to help us if we promise to fight for them."

"Them? But the Kou Empire-"

"Is now longer important! We are important. And furthermore, what can we expect of the people here who are willing to sell us off so easily?" Kouen interrupted Koumei, who fell silent again. Then the oldest of the siblings sighed heavily.

"This is the only solution I came up with. Tomorrow I will talk to father again. Maybe he will change his mind. If he doesn´t…I will try to talk to the other kings."

"And what if that goes wrong?" Everyone looked over to Judar at the same time. A rare expression of seriousness was on the ravens face and he looked back unblinkingly.

"What if your plan doesn´t work?" Kouen narrowed his eyes for a moment, his frown becoming even deeper, if that was possible.

"Then we will escape. There are guards still on our sides who would be willing to make sure we can get away." They wouldn´t come far, they all knew that. Not with such a dangerous situation around them and most certainly not with all those enemies in front of them. They had nowhere to run to if Kouens plans failed.

Judar looked back on his hands. They felt cold and were lying limply on his folded legs. He had made up his mind. He would do one last good thing or most probably the first good thing in his whole damned life. He would save his friends. The only people who were willing to fight for him.

Maybe he was lucky and ended up with someone who was…no…in his world there was no one kind. And not in the way he would be connected to the king that would 'own' him from now on.

Oh, how much he missed his staff! How much he wished he could rip of that cursed necklace! But every time he tried to, it started to hurt like hell. He looked up, watching the dark Rukh fly around him. Slowly Judar lifted a hand and tried to reach out to them. They flew around his fingers, without touching him. And for a short moment, Judar felt terribly alone and cold.


	2. Chapter One: Sold

**Warnings: OoCness, mention of past abuse, (and for those who didnt guess it yet) yaoi in later chapters.  
I hope you enjoy the new chapter, it will propably be one of the longer ones I guess. If there are any mistakes please notify me so I can erase them.**

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Judar took a deep breath. Alright, he was ready. He would do that for his friends, so that they hopefully would find a way to…to just escape. They had more chances for that on the front or on the way there. He hoped they would find a way to stay safe and healthy. He hoped so. Hope was the only thing left for him as he walked down the corridor.

In a few moments he would reach a door and behind that…would be his life as a slave. For a short moment he smiled. It was a bitter smile, one that didn´t reach his still dull eyes that showed none of the hidden fear and hatred that quietly ate at his heart.

How far he had fallen…one day he was a magi, the great being of the Kou Empire and on the next day he was a sold item. Without stopping he opened the door. If he had hesitated for just a second he would never have found the guts to go through with this.

Judar froze as he saw who stood in front of the emperor. Sinbad. No…why him? Why the high king of the seven seas of all people? Sinbad who he had hurt on so many occasions…Sinbad whose country he had threatened and whose people had been hurt because of him.

He didn´t believe that the king of Sindria had a large enough heart to forgive him for all those things. Well, that must be called karma, Judar thought, while keeping his act together. Sinbad had every reason to hurt him…to make him suffer. Judar had no doubt about that. No matter how generous or kind the king always seemed to be, there was just no way…no way had he done this for a good cause. Not after all that had happened. Judar had stopped believing in those kinds of good people a long time ago. They just didn´t exist.

The emperor cleared his throat when Judar stopped beside him. The magi barely had the strength to look at Sinbad but the attention of the high king was on the emperor and not at him. Sinbads face was serious and cold, almost threatening as he talked with the man in front of him. A man that was still more than well fed, a fat pig as Judar liked to say, while the people of his land were thin and hungry.

"I understand. I will leave the matter here to Reim. But remember the deal we have." The emperor nodded quickly and Judar blinked. A deal? And the Reim Empire? If two people got friendly out there, it was Sindria and Reim. There was no way Sinbad was completely out of this. Maybe as the king of Sindria he would no longer participate, but as a friend of Reim he would turn up if necessary. Judar didn´t bother to tell the emperor that. That pig could root in hell for all he cared.

He hated the man with a passion and couldn´t even stand being near him. But he had to bear it. His friends, he reminded himself. He would save them.

Then Sinbad turned to Judar. The threatening aura disappeared, but he kept his cold, controlled expression.

"Let´s go Judar." Sinbad simply turned around and Judar seethed for a moment. Commanding him around already huh? But then he remembered what could happen if he said too much, if he provoked anyone too much, especially in his extremely defenseless state right now.

It was also only when he followed Sinbad, that he saw Ja'far and Masrur waiting at the door leading to the outside. They both were anything but happy to see him. Well…Masrur looked the same to him as always. Scary, he almost thought as he suddenly understood how damn fucking easily the fanalis could squish him without even trying hard. After all, Judar had nothing but his clothes to protect him. He was powerless, totally powerless and defenseless. No Borg, no Rukh, nothing.

Judar almost shuddered, especially as he remembered how that Djinn of the chibi magi had crushed him. A world of pain had erupted before he had lost his consciousness back then. It was nothing he wanted to experience again. Ever.

But he had to admit, it wouldn´t be the worst thing that could be done to him. Judar had to stop his thoughts as they left the palace. The less he thought about these things, the better. He stayed silent the whole time while Sinbad talked to Ja'far and Masrur kept an eye on the magi.

Actually, the fanalis walked directly beside him and Judar almost shied away. But he was not one to shy away from someone. He wasn´t a person who was afraid. He was confident and cocky and he did whatever the hell he wanted outside and most of the time inside of the castle walls.

At least that was the case before he had gotten that necklace. Now he felt so clearly how there was no way for him to use magic. He felt the wall between himself and the Rukh, who still were around him, but unable to be with him. And he hated it. Judar hated it even more than what the emperor had done to him. He hated it more than being sold off and he hated it even more than being hurt or having to worry.

It was the worst thing to him right now. The only thing that was his freedom, his strength, his whole being had been ripped from him. It was like he had held a light of the world in his hands, only to find them suddenly empty. He felt so lost and alone without the constant touch and clear chirping of the Rukh. He felt like he had been left standing in the middle of the road and suddenly every light was gone. He couldn´t see anything anymore, couldn't even move.

Then they arrived outside of the castle walls and Judar saw the woman, that magician of Sinbad standing before a circle of magic. Oh how he envied her right now. What would he give to at least feel the Rukh!

He flinched slightly and instantly cursed himself as Sinbad laid a hand on his shoulder. The king shot him a surprised look before nodding to the magician.

"Judar, this is Yamuraiha. Yamuraiha, you already know who he is." The woman nodded seriously, before motioning to the circle.

"Please step into it my king." Sinbad nodded and gave Judars shoulder a light push. Together they all stepped inside. Yamuraiha mumbled a few things quietly under her breath and a second later the symbols glowed and their surroundings disappeared with the growing light. A moment later they stood in a tent.

Sindrias camp on the front, Judar noticed. He also noticed how Sinbad excused his generals, who left, albeit reluctantly. Very reluctantly actually.

"Come." Judar followed Sinbad through another tent opening and almost froze as he realized he was now in the personal quarters of the king.

"Why?" Judar couldn´t help himself from asking and also to keep Sinbad busy. He didn´t want to…not right away and…no…he couldn´t just walk from one horrible nightmare right away into a new one!

Sinbad, who had started to pour whine into a goblet stopped for a moment.

"Why I took the offer to withdraw if they give me you? Powerless and at my disposal and service?" Sinbads voice got a somewhat hard, sharp edge at these words, his golden eyes growing cold for a moment. Then he shook his head.

"I can´t believe that emperor", he mumbled and Judar had to agree.

"Anyway I agreed because it doesn´t truly keep me from this war and also to get you away from the enemy." Oh, then it had been a strategy? Hopefully…a small but in his opinion quite realistic hope.

"You stay with me, at my side until that whole ordeal is over. I hope you understand that I can´t trust you to not just spy on us Judar." Right…that was something he hadn´t thought of to say the truth.

Judar made a non committing sound, simply stating that he had heard what Sinbad had said. He didn´t have a choice anyway.

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Judar couldn´t sleep. In fact, no matter how much he desperately wished it wasn´t true, he was scared. Sinbad slept just a bit away from him and even if he wanted to strangle the king in his sleep, he knew that was a plan he wouldn´t succeed with. As long as the king wasn´t drunk, he was a very sharp person, easily woken.

Judar slowly rolled onto his side, carefully making sure he avoided any noise as well as he could. He was restless, mostly because the only times he ever shared a bed with someone was on…the times he liked to describe as nightmares. Especially since they almost only happened in the middle of the night.

He took a deep breath, trying but failing to relax. His head actually started to hurt and he felt like he couldn´t lay still any longer. Slowly Judar sat up, putting his feet on the ground and then quietly stood up. He wouldn´t leave the tent. Especially since he was damn sure a guard was right outside, but also because…he for once didn´t want to get into trouble. Not while he was so very weak.

"Judar?" The raven froze up when he heard the slightly sleepy voice of Sinbad. Damn that foolish king…

"Sleep idiot king", Judar said without thinking and bit his lip in the next second. He hated that too…he hated being so damn careful of his words and the way he moved. Was he so desperate to remain unnoticed? Yes, he was.

Because it meant that he would be left alone. That he wouldn´t be…forced. That he wouldn´t have to endure pain, humiliation and things that always made him throw up afterwards.

It was one of the reasons he stopped eating meat and mostly ate fruits. Fruits where good and fresh. Meat only reminded him of these nightmares and of the smell of that monster of a man. And furthermore, the first time it happened there had been a drug in his meat. He had been too young to truly, fully understand what happened but as he got old enough he was…unable to escape, despite the strength he knew he had. The fear and the memories sat too deep.

Even now, just at the thought, he felt a shiver creep up his spine and his hands growing almost painfully cold. He felt breathless for a moment, before he managed to calm down again.

"You can´t sleep. " It wasn´t a question and Judar rolled his eyes slightly, glad that Sinbad couldn´t see that. It was damn dark in that tent. And why would he be up in the middle of the night if he would be able to sleep peacefully?

When Judar didn´t answer Sinbad sat up and the magi cursed his damn luck. It seemed he had none of that left anymore.

"Get into bed Judar. We have a long day before us." Right…that sadly was the truth. Slowly, almost hesitantly Judar etched towards the bed, a bed which had felt soft at the first contact but now seemed like field of sharp rocks. He actually really wanted to stay away from it. The floor for once sounded very comfortable.

His hand found the edge of the mattress in the darkness and he carefully placed a knee on top of it, crawling back into his spot, very attentive to stay away from Sinbad as much as he could. It was silent for a long moment after he had lain back down.

"Are you afraid of me Judar?" Sinbads voice was quiet in the darkness but clear and soft. Judar bit his tongue and cursed the high king. Couldn´t that idiot just shut up and go back to sleep? Why the hell did he have to wake up in the first place?

"Like anyone could be afraid of you", Judar answered. Like hell he would bare himself in that way and admit a weakness so great. It was better he stayed the cocky brat Sinbad thought he was than to let the man know what truly went on inside of him.

For the first time in his life Judar longed for the castle of the Kou Empire. He longed for his friends and to annoy Kougyoku, to visit Kouha in his room, walk past Kouen who buried himself in a sea of paper scrolls and feel tempted to tug on the small beard of the oldest prince. Judar missed following Hakuryuu around and watching him train, keeping an eye on him and trying to figure out who hurt him. But the magi had to admit up until today he didn´t know who was the one that made Hakuryuu suffer. Even though quite a big part of him really wished he did.

Judar snapped back into the present as he felt and heard how Sinbad turned around. He knew the king was very close to him now. They didn´t have that much space in the first place.

"Judar, relax and sleep." The raven actually had to snort at that.

"Shouldn´t you be more worried about yourself? After all I could easily kill you while you sleep." That was a lie. Judar may have some muscles but when it came to physical strength he would lose – especially without his magic. He was very sure that Sinbad wouldn´t even break a sweat while fighting him off.

"Sure sure. Just don´t sneak around in the middle of the night. I don´t want an uproar or that you are going to be tied up." That truly didn´t sound very appealing Judar had to admit.

He stayed silent and didn´t move a muscle while he waited for the high king to fall asleep again. It felt like hours in the darkness until he suddenly felt a hand brush his black bangs away. Instantly and automatically Judar flinched away and froze right afterwards.

A strange silence settled between them until the magi heard how Sinbad sat up.

"Give me your hand for a moment Judar." What? His hand? Why? It didn´t make any sense. Judar hesitated, thought about refusing but in the end he gave in. He really shouldn´t try to make his situation worse than it already was.

He stretched his arm out and almost flinched again as he felt calloused fingers wrap around his own smooth ones. He clearly felt the years of hard work and training as a fighter, years of surviving and growing steadily stronger in this hand that held his lightly. Then he felt how Sinbad started to massage his hand and looked up surprised. He didn´t quite see the face of the high king but he had to admit that it…didn't feel bad. Sinbad was actually good at this…

Just…what did Sinbad want? Why was he doing this? After a few long moments Judar felt those calloused but gentle hands move down his arm, kneading the muscles. A part of him that had started to relax tensed up again, as Sinbad came closer to him. He almost breathed a sigh of relieve when the king stopped at his shoulder and set his arm down again.

"Why are you so tense around me? Weren´t you always the confident one, causing us trouble?" Sinbads voice was light but still somewhat serious.

It was because Judar was afraid. Because Judar knew what could happen. Because it had happened to him and he dreaded it. He was scared that Sinbad was the same, that he would do things to him, simply for his own pleasure or to get revenge. Hell Sinbad had a dozen of reasons to treat him nastily. And jet…up until now nothing like that had happened.

The high king of the seven seas was more serious than usually, but that was because they were at the front of war. Aside from that he was the same and treated him the same as usual. Well almost. He kept a close eye on Judar in case the magi thought about running off or rating anything out to the Kou Empire.

Maybe Judar should tell him that he gave a shit for that empire. And even less for that damned emperor. All he cared about was the wellbeing of his friends and that he guaranteed for now by selling himself off. The rest they somehow had to manage themselves…but he was confident, that once they got their djinns handed back to them, that they would be able to escape.

"Judar, you have nothing to fear from us." What a blatant lie. At least to him it was one. Reim would have been better…maybe…they at least would throw him into a cell and keep him there and he knew what he had to expect. Patervia would probably have killed him or tortured him for information before killing him…nothing he wanted to experience.

This…just what did Sinbad want?

"What do you want from me?" Judar asked. He had to know. Had to know what he had to prepare himself for.

"What do you mean? I want nothing." The raven laughed harshly at that, suddenly sitting up sharply.

"Oh? Is that true? Then why did you buy me huh? Do you want to have a magi as a slave?" He knew what Sinbad thought about those topics but he just didn´t understand. And he had to understand. He had to know…had to know just how much his life would be hell.

"You are not and will not be mine or anyone's slave Judar. The necklace will be taken off when you are no threat to my country but you are free to go where you wish once we are in Sindria, as long as you stay inside of the borders and don´t cause trouble." Somehow Judar snapped at that. His nerves were to thin and he was too exhausted from all this, from all this thinking and worrying, from his lack of sleep and from those answers. What position would he have?

"Don´t lie to me Sinbad. I know you can´t forgive me for all those things I did." Judar got to his knees.

"That is true, but we will find a solution." Ah, there it was the quiet but enormous thing that stood between Judars trust and Sinbads words. He just couldn´t simply believe them. Actually, he didn´t believe them at all. He didn´t believe in good people. There just were none.

"So? Do you want me to make up for it?" Judar asked while sliding a hand over Sinbads almost uncovered torso, feeling the king jolt slightly in surprise.

"Judar…" He could clearly hear the confusion and the frown in Sinbads voice. But Judar couldn´t stop. He was already slipping into his other mind frame. The kind of mind frame he had developed to survive his nightmares. One he needed now to find out what his future would be like.

Without so much as a thought he slipped into Sinbads lap and ground his hips alluringly down, his mind blessedly blank for now.

"Do you wish for me to make it up to you like this? Do you want to mark me and pay me back what I did?" His hands wandered over strong shoulders until suddenly two hands wrapped firmly around his wrists and made him stop in his tracks.

"Judar, what are you doing?" Judar lifted his head and he could make out the barest silhouette of Sinbad. He leaned forward and licked teasingly from his neck up to his jaw. He felt Sinbad shudder slightly. He tasted like the sun and something Judar didn´t know and also didn´t want to find out.

"What do you think? I try to make amends." Until you decide I have suffered enough, Judar added in his mind.

Sinbad was struggling to understand why Judar would do that. It didn´t fit the proud, cocky magi to be this alluring. Okay, not quite. Sinbad always thought that the raven looked exceptionally delicious and he often wished that they would be on friendly terms. Not only to hit on him but also…because he liked him. Despite what Judar had done and thought he had to make amends for, Sinbad liked him.

But something about this felt terribly wrong and what also worried him was Judars voice. It sounded seductive but he also heard the underlying desperation and fear. Fear from what? That he would take him up on his advances? But then why would he even offer him the use of his body?

Sinbad frowned and released Judars arms, pushing the magi a bit away from him.

"Judar, stop. I mean it." Sinbads voice was serious and Judar frowned. Why? Why wasn´t he succeeding? Wasn´t that what Sinbad was after sooner or later? Just what did the high king truly want from him? In his world, no one was above seduction.

"Why not Sinbad? I know you want it. Or do you wish to let your generals do the deed?" Judar actually felt like he paled while he said that, his mouth going dry. He wouldn´t survive that. His body started to tremble slightly and he tried to stop it but his control was slipping. Even more and it would be starting to be too much…but he pushed on. He felt too helpless and desperately lost to stop now. He just didn´t know anymore…or anything. His thoughts were jumbled and he couldn´t make any sense of this mess that became his life ever since they lost the war.

"No! Judar, why are you even thinking about that? No one is going to do anything to you." Shit. Sinbad understood him better than he thought. In a second his determination started to wane and he slowly slumped down. His head was on Sinbads shoulder as his body trembled stronger.

Sinbad was now truly very worried about the raven. Something must have happened to him. Something very bad. Carefully the king wrapped an arm around Judars slim back and felt him flinch and tense at the contact. Sinbad frowned when he felt him start to tremble, as he placed his other hand on Judars head, stroking the black hair carefully and lightly.

"You don´t have to do anything Judar. Nothing at all" Sinbad mumbled quietly into his ear and felt how the raven gripped his robes.

"Why…you have every reason to make my life hell. Why even worry about me…" He heard the muffled question and Sinbad blinked in surprise. That was what worried Judar? That he would actually hurt him? WISH to hurt him? Why?

"Judar, I thought you knew me better. I am not that kind of person. I can´t say that I forgive you, for that you caused to much grieve and pain. But I will not hurt you. If you really wish to make amends, become Sindrias magi and protect the country." Judar froze and slowly looked up.

"What?" His voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper. "You would actually let an enemy protect your beloved country? Are you sane?" Sinbad had to grin slightly at that.

"Very sane Judar. But you have no home anymore. I offer you a place at my side. All that I ask from you is your loyalty and that you will not, under any circumstance, lie to me. I have to be sure that you will not and never ever in your life again hurt Sindria and its people." Sinbad had lost his mind…Judar was very sure of it. It didn´t make any sense to him. It had to be a lie…but what for? Sinbad had no reason to lie, he had Judar at his mercy and…no, nothing made sense anymore.

Sindria…the place Judar secretly always wanted to visit, to see. Not as an enemy, but just as a person. He wanted to see why the people there were always so happy and why the king and his generals would protect Sindria so fiercely.

And Sinbad was right. Judar had nowhere to go. A while ago he wished just that but the thought to really have no place he could return to after a long journey was…it was not what he truly wanted. And maybe…maybe Sinbad had that big enough heart everyone said he had and he really would let him stay without hurting him. Judar was very reluctant to believe that. He never met someone like that…someone who was truly, really kind. Well, his friends were. But none of them would take a person in that had harmed their country and friends not that long ago in the past.

Then again…Sinbad had always been very, very different. It was one of the reasons why Judar had secretly followed him around from time to time and had 'met up' with him on 'accident'. He had wanted to understand the person that Sinbad was. But to this day he never really understood. Maybe…maybe it was because he never believed that the king was good. Judar leaned back a bit, searched for Sinbads eyes in the darkness and tried to find a lie in them. He was almost taken aback when he realized how honest they were. He really…meant every word he said?

"Really? You mean that?" And maybe he would be getting rid of that horrible necklace too. Sinbad nodded, much to his disbelieve.

"Yes. Can you pledge your loyalty to me Judar? And give me your word, one that you will never break, that you will never be a threat to Sindria again?" What a situation! Here was Sinbad, asking him these things when he could easily force him. Control him with this damned necklace of his. Judar almost laughed but took a deep breath instead. What choice did he have anyway?

"I am free of Al-Tharmen so…yes. I will become your magi Sinbad. I give you my word to be Sindrias magi." Al-Tharmen really had let him go…but as a nice farewell present they had left him the necklace, saying that when it came really down to it, he wasn´t the kind of magi they wanted. It was all, because Judar had been in the middle of war…and started to hate it. He hated the smell of fire and burnt flesh, of spilled blood and he hated how horrified screams would ring in his ears for days.

He had to fight in order to protect, himself, others, something he wasn´t very good at. He watched how his friends got hurt and how people died and died and died like flies. He had always believed that as a magi, he was invincible. It was then that he started to think if war really was such a good thing. Fights yes, they were fun. But this war…this war had been bad. Really bad. It was nothing compared to the fights he picked to be rid of energy and to learn or enjoy himself.

Where Al-Tharmen was now, Judar didn´t know or wish to know. He was just glad they were gone. And with them the voices that told him about how great all those horrible things in the world were. He had believed that. He had really, honestly believed war was fun. Until the day he stood face to face with it.

And now…he was just…someone. He had lost his way, not only because the Rukh were unreachable for him, but also because he had to find out who he wanted to be in the future. Up until now he thought that that wouldn´t matter, seeing as he was just sold off. But with Sinbads offer…maybe he had a chance now…to see himself, to find himself again and to find out what it was that made living truly worthwhile. He didn´t see his future as some dark hole anymore that seemed to swallow him up and that he never wanted to see. Now…he felt like…maybe he could start looking forward to it. He could, couldn't he?

"Good. We will talk with the others tomorrow. Go back to sleep Judar." It was then that Judar realized that he still was in Sinbads lap. He actually blushed at that and quickly climbed off, feeling utterly mortified. He quickly lied back down with his back to Sinbad and pulled the sheet over and tightly around him.

"Good night" He heard Sinbad and also the smile in his voice. Yeah…right…somehow a part of him still couldn´t quite believe it. It was too good to be true. …was it? He doubted it was a trick, that wasn´t Sinbads style. Still…he decided he would be careful for a while.

Sinbad waited until he heard Judars breathing even out and then sighed, brushing a hand through his hair, a serious expression on his face. Just what happened to Judar? Was there something about the magi he had missed all along? He would find out. Whatever it was, he would find it out.


	3. Chapter Two: Sindria

**I apologize, that it took me so long to upload another chapter. And I also would like to thank everyone who left me review, it really made me happy! And thank you too, to all the people who read my story and found it interesting or even likeable. I hope, you all continue to enjoy it!**

**Warnings: Possible OoC-ness, mention of past abuse, yaoi in later chapters.**

**I hope you enjoy this new chapter! (and that I was able to erase most or preferably all the mistakes)**

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Judar buried his head in his hands. Sweat covered his body and he trembled despite the warm night they had. His breathing was quiet but heavy. He tried to calm down, the nightmare he had had still present in his mind. It wasn´t so much a nightmare but rather a memory. It actually was a memory of his and he resented it. Another tremble wracked his body and he took a deep breath, trying his hardest to not wake the sleeping king on the other bedside.

Judar closed his eyes and curled slightly into himself. He hated it, hated it so much. He hated this weak side of him that was bigger than he ever wanted to admit. And usually, during the day, he was just SO good at ignoring it. Maybe that was why it crept up at him that nastily in the night.

"Judar?" Never before in his life did Judar truly curse Sinbad like that. Why? Why the fuck did the idiot wake up? Why wasn´t he drunk enough to just SLEEP! They were back in Sindria for fucks sake and there even had been a huge party tonight to celebrate someones Birthday!

The raven stayed silent and then breathed a sigh of relive as he heard the king fall back asleep. So Sinbad was drunk enough to not quite wake up. By now the trembling of his body had creased and only his hands were still shaking.

Judar gripped his hair lightly, resting his forehead on his hands and his elbows on his knees. The nightmares where becoming more frequent. He had the first really bad one on the last day before they left the battleground. Reim had everything under control after all.

Judar usually was good at dealing with his bad dreams – which he had quite often to tell the truth – but that they were this horrible…it had been a while since they had been that core-rattling terrifying. His skin felt cold from the sweat and his legs felt shaky. That was why he kept on sitting on the bed instead of walking around, something that always helped to calm him down.

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep, shuddering breath. The private rooms of Sinbad smelled slightly of jasmine, a bit of the ocean when a breeze drifted by, and something he couldn´t quite put his finger on. It was very different from the scent in the kou empire bedrooms. And he hated the fact, that he had to stay here with Sinbad until everyone believed that he wouldn´t sneak off and do something bad – like killing innocents or running back to kou, grinning and laughing like a madman. He would bet his confiscated staff, that almost or every general of Sinbad thought that.

Even though he had to admit that the first days here in Sindria had been very difficult for him. Judar wasn´t used to sharing a bed with someone who didn´t want to taint or hurt him. He wasn´t used to just sleeping beside someone, not touching and just resting. He had been very tense at first, only slowly relaxing night after night when he realized that nothing happened.

Judar lightly lifted a hand and lightly rested the barest tip of his fingers on the blue necklace he still wore. He would have to wear the cursed thing until everyone trusted him. The generals accepted Sinbads decision to take in Judar, but they were very wary of him. Judar didn´t blame them. It actually surprised him, that Sinbad believed without hesitation that the raven was no longer a threat. Which was the truth. Sinbad was the first person who was truly kind to him and who gave him a home simply because he wanted to. Who didn´t expect anything in return, just a promise that he wouldn´t hurt anyone.

Judar looked over his shoulder, over to the sleeping king and blinked for a moment. Just a second…was he naked? Why? Judar paled slightly while his heart painfully skipped a beat, his breath catching in his throat, making him feel as if he choked on something invisible. Sinbad had been dressed when they went to bed…Judar looked to the foot of the bed just to find the robes the king had worn there. Crumbled and almost falling off the edge. Slowly piecing together what probably happened, he started breathing again. Great…

When Judar looked back up again he froze as his ruby red eyes met almost golden ones. Sinbad looked back unblinkingly and more seriously than he had been the whole evening.

"Why can´t you sleep Judar? Is anything a problem?" What was it with Sinbad and his damned bluntness? Why did he always have to ask things directly and drive him into a corner? At least that was how he felt every time. How he felt right now. He felt like a caged animal for a moment. As if he would tell anyone ever what happened. He would die with this godforsaken dark secret.

"No, I woke up because it´s cold", Judar half lied. The truth was, the sheets were quite thin, but that was because Sindria was a pretty warm country. But even though they had a warm night, his hands really were cold and he…under these thin covers he felt somewhat vulnerable. He didn´t like it. It was quiet for a moment.

"Why didn´t you say anything?" Sinbad sat up and Judar quickly averted his eyes. No matter how well the king was built or how good he looked, he was more than highly uncomfortable with a naked person around. It made him remember things he wished to forget but knew he could not. Clenching his fists Judar concentrated on staying away from remembering to vividly. Still, his stomach churned almost painfully, making him feel sick for a moment. A feeling, he hated and as quickly as possible shoved away.

Judar heard how bare feet padded through the room and then rummaging and rustling until the feet padded back. He tensed up sharply, as Sinbad got closer, almost held his breath, until another sheet landed on his side and the king crawled back into bed, yawning.

"I hope you can sleep better. If you are still cold, over there should be another set of bed sheets." Sinbad waved his hand in the general direction before closing his eyes. A few moments later quiet snoring was heard from him.

Slowly the magi pulled the two sheets over each other and lied back down on the mattress. Sleep was still far from his mind but at least he had calmed down. And the truth was, he also wanted to avoid another nightmare.

Judar pulled the sheets up until they were half over his face and he slowly closed his eyes.

I wish it would stop, he thought, knowing that if it really would be that easy, he also would have already forgotten everything that had happened. Simply everything.

* * *

Sindria was beautiful, Judar thought. He felt the strong breeze of the sea on his face, smelled the gentle scent of the ocean and something that reminded him of flowers and the sun. He leaned forward a bit, hearing a small click when the blue necklace clanged lightly against his golden choker.

His arms rested on the windowsill and his ruby eyes wandered over the landscape before him. Judar wished he could wander around. He wanted to leave the castle, stroll around the streets, look at everything he could find and didn´t see before. He wanted to eat something from a few shops and walk into the woods of Sindria.

Judar wanted to watch people, listen to them talking and to just for once, leave the damn palace. He had been here for almost a month now and he started to secretly hate it. It wasn´t like him to just stay in one and the same place the whole time, not going anywhere.

Sure, there were more than enough places in the castle he still hadn´t discovered, but with all those people around, who didn´t trust him one bit, he for once tried to be careful. After all, he had the hope that if he behaved and everyone trusted him, he would be able to get rid of that necklace, no matter how much it itched him to play even the smallest of pranks.

Judar sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. He felt slightly bored. Sinbad was in a meeting with his generals – which he couldn´t partake in, since everyone didn't trust him.

That left Judar practically all alone, aside from a few guards who kept a close eye on him. The raven opened his eyes again, looking over the country towards the glistening, blue ocean. The sun was warm on his skin, almost feeling like light blanket of gentle, comfortable heat.

Judar pulled himself up on the windowsill and outside to a small roof overhang underneath, just big enough for him. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Folding his hands behind his head, Judar began to doze away slightly, jolting awake when he heard the big double doors of the meeting room open.

"It is good to know we really can leave everything to Reim." That was Ja´fars voice. Judar would recognize him everywhere.

"Yeah." That was Sinbad and it was clear in his voice that he smiled. Judar could practically see his face in front of him. Then there was silence for a moment.

"Where is Judar? Did he go somewhere?" For a second Judar felt stupid and angry. Did it really seem like he had nothing to do at all? Well, not like that wasn´t true…he sank a bit deeper, suddenly feeling sullen. He felt the frown on his face as anger slightly seethed in him.

This wasn´t what he wanted…well, it certainly was better than other things that could have happened...but it wasn´t…enough. Judar actually wanted to DO something. He wanted to go out, to walk around the country until he felt like he had seen everything. He wanted to feel the Rukh again, fight a bit against Sinbad, just for the heck of it and he wanted to fly around. Judar would never admit it, but he dearly missed his flying carpet. Not as much as his magic, but he missed the feeling of freedom he had in the air. A quiet, almost grumbled sigh escaped him, before a shadow fell over him.

Startled, Judar looked up, just to see Sinbad smiling at him.

"Hey Judar, what do you think of going into the city?" At that, the raven almost sat up promptly. He really wanted to go, but he didn't want to give the king that impression. Instead he shrugged and stood up.

"Fine. It´s not like I have anything else to do." Bitter but true. For a moment it seemed like Sinbads smile wavered, until he stepped aside and Judar climbed back inside. He was met with the wary stares of Ja´far, Sharrkan and Yamuraiha, who watched him closely. He really had his work cut out for him…

It was actually the first time in his life, that Judar wanted to work hard so that people liked him. The earlier he would manage that, the earlier he would get rid of the necklace.

Judar followed Sinbad, his generals and a few guards outside and through the castle gates. Once he was outside of the high stonewalls…it almost felt like the air changed. Like breathing became easier. His steps sounded lighter to his ears and his thick braid seemed to practically bounce from side to side. And he certainly felt how his smile widened. He was feeling happier than earlier. Far happier, even though he was practically being escorted. Well, Sinbad was too. The king smiled happily and greeted people on the way, whenever the citizens stopped to pay attention to their king – what they all did.

Judar barely cared about that. He was far too busy looking at all the buildings and everything he never was able to lay is eyes upon. He took in how the houses were made, the path beneath his feet, the clothes of the people, their facial expressions and all the scents in the air.

He saw a lot of flowers and so many different people like never before. He smelled the food from restaurants, the paint when they passed an artist and he saw all the things citizens sold in their shops, from small merchandise to souvenirs and every day things. He saw the fields they passed and almost couldn´t tear his eyes away from the fruits on the market. Judar missed his fruits dearly. There were quite a few at Sinbads castle too, but there was also far too much meat. The king as well as his generals quickly noticed that Judar hated anything that had meat in it. Be it a fish or a steak. He never touched anything of that, only picking out the vegetables and fruits. This led to Masrur taking his share of food – not that the fanalis minded, when Judar offered him his plate.

Said fanalis was nowhere around right now, which actually surprised Judar a bit. He usually was everywhere where his king was.

Then the strong scent of the ocean filled the air and Judar realized that they had arrived at Sindrias port. Quickly he looked around, at the ships, workers and all the crates that held something. What, he didn´t know, but a part of him was curious.

"Judar?" The raven looked over his shoulder when he heard Sinbads voice. "We have some business here for a while. If you want to, you can take a look around the city. Just be back here before sunset or you could go back to the castle." Going back to the palace? No way in hell! Not that soon.

Judar simply nodded, without missing that Ja´far looked anything but approving and Yamuraiha seemed quite doubtful. And Sharrkan…well, that guy was busy flirting with a woman right now, but he also gave Judar a short but very sharp look. No, aside from Sinbad, no one seemed to remotely like or trust him. Just great.

Judar walked away from the group without looking back. It wasn´t like their constant mistrust hurt him, but he worried a bit that they would never believe that he was on their side now. Well, not like he couldn´t understand that…he himself wouldn´t react any different.

For a moment the raven missed his friends…or rather, they were more like…family maybe and he quickly shook that thought off. The less he thought about it, the less he would quietly worry – not that he would ever admit that. But what worried him the most was Hakuryuu. He wished he would know what had happened to the prince. Had Kouen been able to get him back?

Judar sighed, before clearing his mind and concentrating on where he was here and now. With his smile back in place, he practically bounded into the city, ready to rove through the streets and poke his nose into everything and look everywhere – if allowed to or not, it wasn´t like he truly cared. Since the first time he had been sold, he felt somewhat free and definitely happy again. He even almost forgot the blue necklace, choosing instead to enjoy himself. For once, he could just be who he was or wanted to be: a cheeky brat with no worries in the world. Oh yeah, he would have enough fun for a week! Especially, since he was very sure, that he wouldn´t get out that often in the near future.

Judar stole a few fruits without being noticed and started his journey through Sindria.


	4. Chapter Three: Necklace

**Before I start with the usual warnings, do I wish to thank you for your reviews from the bottom of my heart. Reading them always gives me a surge of strength in writing so, thank you. Really, thank you.**

**Warnings: Possible OoC-ness, mentions of past abuse, Yaoi**

**I hope you like the new chapter, even enjoyed reading it and that I managed to (hopefully) erase all the mistakes**

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Well…this didn´t go quite as he had planned. Judar looked around, but saw nothing except for a thick jungle. He had just followed a few people, curious what they would do and ended up in…nowhere. Yes, this was definitely where he was now, somewhere in nowhere.

Sighing, Judar turned around and headed back. He might not know where he was now, but he remembered vaguely how to get back. It was really annoying, that he couldn´t fly anymore. Then he would just get up into the sky and could see all of Sindria. He actually liked the view from up there.

The island seemed far smaller than it actually was.

Judar looked up into the sky and noticed that the sun started to set. Damn. Hopefully he made it back in time. Maybe then he would get a new ounce of trust from the others. As he had said, the earlier they trusted him, the earlier he would get rid of the necklace. He wanted his powers back so badly, it hurt.

Judar watched as a few black Rukh passed him and flew around his shoulders as if trying to pass that invisible barrier that separated them. He was very sure, that they were chirping at him, trying to tell him something he could no longer hear. The magi had stopped walking, choosing instead to watch the Rukh. The dark Rukh that was here, was actually only his own. On this island was no one unhappy and that fact alone baffled the raven quite a bit.

Ruby eyes followed the movements of the small birds. Could he get white Rukh too? Like the others? Judar didn´t know. As far as he could remember his Rukh had always been like that. Black as his clothes and dark as like a moonless night sky. But always there. Even as a child when he felt like he was alone and that no one understood him, when he believed that no one cared enough to stop his personal nightmares, they had been there. Their voices had often lulled him to sleep and promised to watch over him when he rested. He missed that. They were his companions and the only ones he trusted truly and fully. They never disappointed him or betrayed him.

Judar stretched out a hand, trying to touch the Rukh, but it seemed, like there was a forced distance between them. They flew in his direction, but never closer, which looked odd in his own way. And the more Judar tried to reach out to them, the more he seemed to push them away.

Slowly, heavily, he let his arm sink back to his side, standing quietly in the middle of the jungle. Anger came up in him. Hot, seething, blinding and choking, making all his thoughts disappear, his insides felt as if heated poison was wrecking every cell in his body. He balled his hands to fists, gritting his teeth and unable to form one coherent thought. Why? He didn´t understand! Why him? Why always him?! Wasn´t it bad enough, that he had to suffer almost his whole life? Wasn´t it bad enough that he was practically a prisoner here? WHY did they have to take his powers away!

He didn´t understand and he also didn´t want to. He just wanted them back. Now.

In a fit of rage, almost helpless rage, Judar grabbed the necklace, gasping when pain shot through his body. But for the first time, he didn´t let go. He held on. His knees buckled underneath him, sweat started to roll down his face and he felt his arms nearly go numb and weak with the pulsing, biting pain. But he didn´t let go.

Instead he grit his teeth, curled his hands further around the cold metal, gasping stronger when it seemed like the air vanished out of his lungs with every breath instead of being replenished. His vision started to blur heavily when he tried to pull on that cursed thing. Black spots danced in front of his eyes and his chest hurt more with every second, making the almost electrifying pain in his veins even stronger. It became unbearable, but he found himself unable to let go. His vision blurred even further, until his hands were suddenly yanked away.

It was, as if every ounce of strength had left his body that very second. Breathing dangerously fast Judar collapsed, being caught before his face could greet the earth. His chest ached horribly and his ears were ringing. Everything hurt and he almost didn´t realize, that he was shaking. His whole body was trembling strongly and cold sweat made his clothes and hair cling to him.

Vaguely he felt the large hands that had caught him and just as fear started to eat away at his heart and mind, his powerless body was pulled upright. Surprised, he came face to face with Masrur. The fanalis watched him closely, crouched down, as he held the magi up by his shoulders.

"Are you alright?" The question was quiet and his voice sounded a bit deeper than usually. Slowly, Judar managed to get his breathing back under control, his lungs still aching and burning. No, he was not okay. Not at all. Still he nodded, forcing his shaking arms and legs to support him. They did, thankfully even though it was barely enough to keep him upright.

He still was angry. But this time, he was angry with himself, that he did something so stupid that had made him so weak. He hated it, that Masrur was the one who had found him. But then again, no one would have been good in that moment. Not even Koumei, who often understood when Judar just wanted a bit of silent company, someone who just let him be there without asking annoying questions. Koumei always went along with his business, simply allowing Judar to just sit around, nosing through his papers disinterestedly. Kouen mostly only gave him a glance, looking him once over and returned to his paper scrolls, practically forgetting that Judar was even there, as long as he stayed silent.

Kouha and Kougyoku never shut up, when he was in an odd mood and just wanted to be quiet. Granted, these times were very, extremely rare, but they were mostly spent with Koumei – who often fell asleep. Or on occasion with Kouen.

He missed them…and he wished that Masrur would just go and leave. The gaze of the fanalis seemed to practically go through him. He felt, as if the redhead saw everything he wanted to hide. Judar hated it. He hated it when people made him feel like this. To his surprise, Masrur let him go and stood quietly beside him for a moment.

"Sinbad is looking for you. Do you want me to take you back?" That was an even bigger surprise. Was he actually asked for his opinion? For a moment Judar felt dumbfounded. Then he nodded.

"Take me back." He felt far too shaky to stroll around much longer and for the first time in a long while he longed for sleep. Judar just wanted to rest and to forget the horrible feelings the necklace had forced through him. It always only happened when he tried to take it off. It was almost, as if it knew what he had in mind. What he thought.

Masrur nodded quietly and started to walk. Judar followed him and was surprised when he noticed, that the fanalis adjusted his walking speed to his. And Judar was anything but fast at the moment. His body still tingled from the pain, but at least his hearing and his sight were back to normal. He still felt somewhat disgusted with himself, for letting the fanalis see that kind of weakness. He couldn´t allow it. No one was supposed to see him like this. In the past, it always only brought him bad things.

He would never again touch the necklace that long. But maybe, he would be able to somehow break it open without getting into contact with it? That was something, he would maybe try out. Probably when Sinbad had another meeting with the other generals and when he would be left alone. Judar was very sure, that he would manage to escape the guards. That was something he also always had done in Kou – something he was good at. He couldn't stand the thought of keeping the necklace any longer. It was awful. To hell with his plan of making others trust him, after this experience, he just wanted it to be over and done with.

It was silent between them, while Masrur led them back. Soon they left the jungle and reached the outskirts of Sindria. The palace of the high king of the seven seas was on the highest point of the city. It never seemed like a looming presence but more like…something that protected Sindria.

Judar also had to admit, that he never truly felt suffocated in that castle. Not when there were those wide and big windows and all that sunshine. But it still was like a gigantic, golden cage. He was supposed to be free, without truly being it. It was like reaching out to the sky. At times it seemed like his hands would just touch the clouds, but in reality they never would.

Judar looked around, trying to distract himself from his thoughts. Especially from his thoughts about his powers. That always managed to make him angry – angry at himself, at Al-Tharmen, at Sinbad, at Kou…at everyone. He just wanted the necklace to be gone. He wanted things to go back to normal and he wanted to move about freely.

Judar missed how Masrur kept an eye on him and his partly unsteady steps, ready to catch him anytime. He also missed how the fanalis noticed the almost dark look in his ruby eyes. Masrur knew that look. It was the expression of someone who was chained down. And he knew that chains didn´t always have to be real shackles. But until Judar was proved to be trustworthy, there was nothing that could be done about it.

Masrur still planned on telling Sinbad what he had seen today. How the necklace affected Judar. It wasn´t like he truly trusted the magi, but he trusted his king, his friend. And he trusted what he saw.

They soon reached the castle, being greeted by Sinbad and Spartos, who had been talking to some guards.

Judar excused himself almost rudely and returned to his and Sinbads rooms – sharing with the high king was a fact that he wasn´t too happy about – and almost fell head first into the bed. He was tired…so very tired of everything.

Judar closed his eyes, burying his head into the thick pillow. He just wanted to sleep without nightmares for once and pretend that everything was okay.

But that was a wish he had often whispered in his thoughts, without it ever being granted. No matter how desperate he had been, how much he had put his heart into it. It seemed, like it was impossible. Whatever he wanted to stop…somehow the gods didn´t want to grant him that.

The Rukh that were flying around him, trying to reach him without succeeding, without him noticing, seemed to darken even more, turning the darkest of black.


	5. Chapter Four: Trust

**I have to apologize for the long wait. With all the things going on, I often lose track of time and days pass by until I realize: Holy fuckin' damn, I haven't updated. So, in all formality, I am sorry. I vow to try to better myself in those regards.**

**And once again, I thank you for your reviews from the bottom of my heart. I read all of them and I always smile, they totaly make my day! If you want me to answer to your reviews, you only have to tell me so. **

**Warnings: Mentions of past abuse, possible OoC-Ness, Yaoi in later chapters**

**I hope very much, that you will like this chapter and that you enjoy reading it. I very much enjoyed writing it.**

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Sinbad sighed heavily while he leaned back in his chair. A goblet of whine sat in front of him, almost empty. The high king was alone at the moment, his generals long gone to sleep or to whatever nightly activities they chose to do.

He himself knew it was time to go to bed, since there wasn´t a party to celebrate, no more documents to go over and also no more things to worry or think about right now. Except for one. Judar. Sinbad touched his chin, absentmindedly rubbing over it. He remembered what Masrur had told him after the fanalis had returned with the magi.

He had told him, that the necklace hurt Judar when he touched it or tried to take it off. Sinbad had discussed this matter with his generals. They made clear, that they trusted his judgment, just not Judar. They were worried, that the magi would betray them, once Kou would take him back or when the former empire would somehow someday rise back to its old glory. Or just for fun for war.

That also was a thought that Sinbad had had. But somehow he didn´t believe that. There had been something about Judar…and there still was. Something that worried him a bit. For example the nightmares. At first the king had thought they maybe were about the war. But then he once heard Judar quietly beg in his sleep, sounding so young and defenseless. And when he had tried to wake the raven, Judar had been flinching away from his touch, looking close to fragile. No, there clearly was something that wasn´t quite right and it worried Sinbad.

He never talked about it, since it seemed like it was extremely personal to Judar, but he still wondered, kept an eye on the magi. Another sigh escaped him and Sinbad stood up. No matter how much he thought about it now, he couldn´t change anything. The necklace had to stay on for now, as much as Sinbad disliked it. But he would find a way to end this soon, that, he promised himself quietly.

His steps were clear on the cold stone as Sinbad walked down the floor towards his personal quarters. When he arrived and closed the door of his bedroom behind him, he heard a small sound.

Immediately all his senses were sharp and the warrior inside of him came forth. Years of training and fighting, of surviving, surfaced as he walked deeper into his room, only to realize, where the sound came from.

Judar. As fast as he had been battle ready, Sinbad relaxed back into his careless self. Until he heard the small sound again. Looking closer, he saw how the magi had drawn his eyebrows together in clear distress. Judars whole body was tense on the bed and his hands were digging sharply into the mattress.

"Judar?" Sinbads voice was quiet and soft, as he didn´t want to startle the magi out of his sleep. But instead of waking up, Judars behavior changed. He seemed to cringe into himself, unconsciously trying to get away from Sinbad. Worry came up in the king when he saw something akin to fear on the ravens face.

Slowly, carefully he knelt down beside the bed and stretched out a hand, gently touching Judars shoulder. The harsh jolt from the magi startled him, until he grabbed the shoulder more firmly, actually drawing another small sound from Judar. It wasn´t really whimper, but it made him sound…it was almost as if he tried to make something stop.

"Judar!" With a sudden motion the magi sat up abruptly, his eyes wide and his breathing harsh. Then he looked to the side and his first reaction was to flinch away from Sinbad. The high king let his hand slip from the others shoulder and remained carefully still. Worry ate at his heart and for a moment, the king wished for nothing more, but to draw Judar into his arms to keep the nightmares away. Still, he knew better than that. But more than that, he wished he knew what had happened so he could help the magi.

"Judar, take a deep breath." Sinbad kept his voice quiet and calming. Slowly, Judar inhaled deeply, almost shakily and his tense shoulders dropped a bit.

"Sinbad." He sounded hoarse and avoided looking at him, without truly letting him out of his field of vision. Sinbad slowly stood up and fetched a goblet of water from his nightstand, bringing it to Judar.

"Better?" He asked gently when the magi drank a bit – actually it was probably just a few drops for pretense – and set the goblet aside again.

"Yeah…" Judar looked up, his brows furrowed. "Why?" He asked after a moment of silence. Sinbad blinked confused.

"Why what?"

"Why are you kind to me? You are the only one who wants me here. But then again, what kind of choice do I have." A bitter laugh erupted from the raven as he tugged slightly on the necklace, wincing as pain flared up. Sinbad was a bit taken aback, until he realized what made Judar say those words.

The magi didn´t only look tired but also quite shaken up. Sinbad could only vaguely guess what it had to feel like to be completely cut off from something that had been natural to you from the second you were born. It must be, as if a part of one self was missing.

Sighing, he kneeled down in front of Judar again. Judar stared at him for a moment. He wasn´t used to royal people lowering themselves so that they had to look up to him. Usually it was always the magi who had to look up at his former emperor and from a humiliating position on top of that. But what surprised him just as much, were Sinbads eyes. Honest and full of understanding feelings. He just accepted him. Accepted his anger and his bad temper as well as everything else his nightmares included. Or that he was.

"I cannot promise that I will take off your necklace very soon. But know one thing Judar, I WILL take it off and if there truly is something you don´t want to do at all, something that makes you uncomfortable or something you hate, you can always tell me. I will do anything I can to make this place your home." Sinbad carefully placed a hand on Judars knee, feeling him shift slightly and immediately taking his hand away again.

Sinbad knew there was more going on then Judar let on, especially when it concerned his nightmares. Sinbad was determined to get the magis trust. But for that, he knew he had to show the raven beforehand, that he trusted him in return, that it was safe to trust.

"But I cannot do that if you don´t tell me what is wrong or what is good. Sindria is your home now. I want you to feel that you are safe here and that you can return here and be yourself. No matter what it is that scares you-" Sinbad ignored Judars almost forced, harsh snort and continued. "-I want you to be here and relax. A home is about feeling safe, warm and welcome." Judar snorted again, this time without making it seem, as if he tried to protect his pride.

"I am not very welcome at all." Sinbad smiled slightly.

"They need time to warm up to you. I can tell you try in your own way. Give them a bit of time." Judar knew time was all they needed. But had he the time? His nightmares seemed to grow more ferocious and this one had just started to turn really bad when he had woken up because of the king.

Judar knew he was losing sleep and he actually dreaded going back to sleep. He even once tried to force his nightmares away with alcohol. It was something, he would never try again. It had been horribly awful, since his drunken mind had been unable to wake up at all and the next morning he also had a horrendous headache on top of it.

"Judar, I know something is wrong. Can you tell me what it is? Maybe I can help you." Help? For that it was far too late. Furthermore…Judar had never told anyone up till now. Such a dark and heavy secret…it was his secret. It was eating him up, he was aware of that but…no, he just couldn´t. Judar looked away and Sinbad saw something indescribable flitter across the ravens face.

"Judar…you know I trust you right?" At that, Judars head practically snapped back. He knew Sinbad wasn´t seeing him as someone dangerous, but trust? Yeah, maybe, but surely not as much as he trusted his loyal generals, right?

"I trust you, because you gave me your word, because you are Sindrias magi." Sinbad took Judars hands in his, placing them on his cheeks and even though he felt the raven twitch and tense slightly, he didn´t let go. But he held the pale hands gently so that Judar could pull them away any moment he chose to.

Then he slid them down, so that they lay lightly around his throat. Judars ruby eyes widened and he froze up when he felt the kings calm pulse underneath his fingertips.

"Wha-" He stopped when Sinbad looked at him with a serious expression. The king let his own hands sink down, Judars still limply around his neck, almost as if they were afraid to move.

"I trust you." Each simple word spoke of nothing but the truth.

A shudder went through Judar, who slowly, carefully let his hands slip from Sinbads throat, just to find them back in the grasp of the king.

"It´s okay Judar." For a long second the magi didn´t know what Sinbad meant, but he understood when his fingertips were gingerly placed back against a warm neck for a short moment. "Do you understand?" Yes. Judar understood perfectly well. He just didn´t know what to make of this feeling that erupted inside of him.

It made him want to laugh or cry or just do SOMETHING all together. For a second his hands trembled while he fought the urge to just for once, let go. To just for once let himself truly feel safe, trust someone to keep him safe, protect him and not to hurt him. Another tremble came over him and he swallowed heavily. He just…no, he couldn´t…

Sinbad, who saw his inner turmoil slowly leaned up until their foreheads touched. Judar, whose eyes went wide for a moment shook stronger, until he practically collapsed against the high king, his head on one strong shoulder. Sinbad let go of Judars hands, which were laying limply against his chest. He felt the warm breath of the magi against the skin of his neck, but he held perfectly still. Sinbad clearly felt, that this was a very delicate moment. He was threading on eggshells, so to speak.

After a moment he felt Judar take in a shuddering breath, his hands trembling almost unnoticeably.

"Sinbad…you…" Judar didn´t know what to say. That Sinbad shouldn´t trust him? That was a lie. Judar had decided to become his magi and that meant…yeah, the king could trust him. He had given his word to never harm Sindria or its people…he would stick to it.

But then, what could he say? He didn´t know. He just didn´t know. Judar closed his eyes, feeling torn apart inside. Oh how much he wished, longed for his beloved Rukh in this moment. Their presence always made it so easy to make a decision. Judar swallowed again, tried to rid himself of the dry feeling in his mouth. He froze up in surprise, when he felt a gentle hand on his head. A warm, big, calloused hand.

"It's okay. Give me your answer when you are ready." How could one person be that understanding? Judar almost thought, that a human like Sinbad couldn´t exist. But then again, wasn´t the high king of the seven seas a singularity? Still…just how much kindness did this man have?

The raven nodded against the warm shoulder and slowly drew back, meeting Sinbads eyes. He was once again surprised when he saw the acceptance in them. He really had all the time he wanted…he really could learn to truly, doubtlessly trust.

Suddenly, Judar felt as if by choosing to become Sinbads magi, that he had made the best decision in his life. Slowly, the last remnants of tension drained from him and he relaxed for the first time completely in the presence of the high king. His high king. Yes, he felt like Sinbad could be that…someday, maybe not even that far in the future. His one and true king.

For the first time in his life, he felt lighter…somewhat…odd but kind of wrapped up in something very comfortable. Only then was it that he realized, that he started to feel safer. That his trust had just grown a fraction wider.

And for the first time since Al-Tharmen had kidnapped him from his parents, were his Rukh getting just a tad bit brighter. And, unknown and unnoticed by the two males a tiny, fractional piece of Rukh separated itself from the black swarm and flapped with small, thin white wings over to the pair, closing in on Judars head, but trying in vain to reach him, to touch him.

Still, one thing stayed unchanged. With trust came hope.


End file.
